The tranquility of us

The promise of my now is brigther than my tomorrow
A tomorrow never promised to me

And my now exist
Within myself

There is a semblance of peace
A quiet contained within myself

The elusive calm came from beyond the depths of despair
Setting me on this journey

I wonder less
And accept more
A faith so bright
It blinds insecurity

Through the hurt
The pain
The anger
The self-loathing
The shame
I stand on this rock of gratitude

Sometimes I go silent
When I speak to God
And I know He is close to me

It makes sense now
The insanity of self

I am at peace now
With the tranquility of us...

GAH
May 2009

Peace & Love - GAH the trurhseeker

SONDER 'N NAAM

jou gedagtes le na aan my
soos daai more toe ons een was
en diep binne jou het ek verdwaal
na 'n hemel-blou-oranje poort
'n canvas van ons liefde le tussen ons siele en reik uit na mekaar.

die smaak van liefde

soos gulsige tonge wat oorryp pruime proe en taai spore nalaat,
dae later steeds wandel jy deur my gedagtes,
kieste vol verrukking,

die tasbaarheid van liefde.

jy sit op jou plek en ryg jou vingers deur die grond,
speel met die sand en die modder kleef aan jou hande, arms en elmboe,
die gladheid tussen jou tone,
die reuk van aarde jaag jou altyd na.

die klank na liefde.

soms wil ek net jou stem hoor,
jou kielie-lag so diep uit jou onderste uit,
waar jy jou alles blootle,
sonder skerm met ope arms,

die sig na liefde.

ek kyk na jou,
hoe die boeke jou toevoe,
jou naakte lyf daaronder,
so weerloos,
so sag,
so fyn,
so glad,
tussen die blaaie vind jy altyd vrede,
en om die hoeke van jou mond staan lagduiweltjies en loer,
en terg mekaar weerbarstig,

ek skryf al lank oor liefde,
ek skryf al lank oor jou,
jy wat nie eers 'n naam het nie,
jy wat stilbly en altyd na my luister,
wat vloei binne my en kleef aan my siel,
soms maak ek my oe styf toe en smile,
dis altyd net ek en jy,

en ek ken nie eers jou naam nie...

George A. Hill
jozi 2005

(Peace & Love GAH - the truthseeker)

die vlaktes van my siel

Ongetitled. 10

Vanmore is my gedagtes van gister
Dit wat was en miskien nooit weer sal wees nie
En tussen verdwaalde emosies
Sak die son en strek sy hand uit na die maan se skaduwee
Die somerreens bly nou lank weg
En die dorre hitte verteer my

Die soeke na ‘n kalm koelte
Is soos ‘n reisiger wat haas oppad is na nerens
Maar erens op ‘n pad
Le die hemel blou
Met sulke wit engeltjies
Wat waai in die wind
En die kroes bossies
Rus vaal en bruin
En lewe in die dorre aarde
Met waters diep na benede
Die plek, waar dit eens soos die sand gele het
En as jy stil word kan jy steeds die golwe hoor
En jy proe steeds die sout wat hierdie aarde deurtrek

Die stories van reisigers waai in die wind
Na plekke waar siele trek
Waar alleen-wees allerdaags is
En in die plek waar seisoene net geken word aan die son se tyd
Is oomblikke veel langer
Hier ontferm tyd hom nog oor sy kinders wat die lewe nagelaat het
Hier is drome tydloos en bly met jou
Hier kan jy praat
Na jouself luister
Want God het hierdie plek omskep
En die kleed van verwagtinge weggewerp
Sodat die stille stemme meegevoer word na hulle wat nog die storie moet hoor….

George A. Hill
Augustus 2009

(peace & love - GAH the truthseeker)

TRANSKEI MOON

Tuesday, 24th November 2009, 09:36am, East London, Eastern Cape, South Africa...

My thoughts are as far away from me as I am standing from God at this moment.
This realisation hits hard as I wade through moments of happiness. I have come to accept where I am and where I am going, but handing over becomes hard sometimes.

As I journey these beautiful landscapes, of hills and valleys, waterfalls and speckled homesteads I often get lost and move to a place that I once knew. A place where my ancestors roamed. And my heart yearn for that peace of laying my head anywhere and knowing that this is where I belong.

So today I will lift my head and walk tall. I will think of what I have instead of looking for more. I will learn to love the simple things once more and learn to appreciate the cycles of my life.

I am coming out of a winter and am entering spring, with summer lingering on the horizon.

Peace and Love you all...

GAH - THE TRUTHSEEKER

in the arms of critical discourse...

I only recently started to ask critical questions again. Not the kind of questions we ask ourselves everyday as we get caught up with just merely existing. Sometimes we find that we might even stop asking questions all together , and we just accept whatever we are told.

When we were black. When we were young....We asked the critical questions all the time. As a child of the 80's it was not easy to simply ignore what was happening around us. We could not ignore the pain and anxiety. We went to the front lines willingly. We fought running battles in our communities and we took in-principled decisions to defy the apartheid state.

But we were just kids with a burning revolutionary fervor. We were hungry for justice and we would do just about anything to attain it. Faces camouflaged, molotov cocktail in hand, flaming tyre rolling down to the barricade...marxist revolution in mind...

We lived, we ran, we hid, we spoke, we agreed, we loved, made love, we argued, but we found each other and we embraced. We had a common enemy. Maybe it was easier in a way back then.

Who would have known that the child of the revolution would grow up to what we have today. Who is the enemy today? And who is the protector of that enemy?

I was very privileged to have had amongst my mentors principled individuals who were activist-journalist with progressive left leaning politics. They refined in me the need to ask the critical questions.

In our country today we have embraced the idea of nationhood and as we find ourselves a few weeks away from the biggest world spectacle to hit our shores, the 2010 World Cup. We are becoming even more unified. And it is a beautiful face. This is something we fought for and that so many have given their lives for. Unity & non-racialism that is.

I love my country and I believe in my people. But I must ask what will happen post this World Cup?
Will we still embrace one another as we should? Will we extent to our blood brothers and sisters from this continent, the same courtesy we are extending our guests from Europe, the Sub Continent and the Americas?

Will our political leadership have the sense to reflect on the demographic make-up of our provinces and listen to the voice of the poor and make the necessary amendments?
Will we give the poor a chance? Will we remember our collective past and not merely use it for cheap political point scoring?

Are we truly reconciled or was it just a quick process to whip a rainbow into shape?
Does the ruling party still espouse true democracy and non-racialism?
Are the current leadership across political parties in tune with the needs of the people and are they competent to rule and guide their constituencies?

Will we open our eyes beyond the newly constructed world cup infrastructure and cast our eyes on the reality of our townships and other informal settlements in both urban and rural areas?

I have so many more questions to ask. But I will leave it up to ya all to ask the rest....

Peace & Love
GAH the truthseeker

LOVE IN THE TIME OF DISPLACMENT

As I am writing this I am listening to Les Feuilles Mortes, by Andrea Bocelli and it speaks to me. like so many things in my life it must all come to an end. I am going to try my utmost best to steer away from morbidity, but I write what I feel, most times.

I am an emotional being. Not in the sense of breaking down and crying or throwing tantrums. No, I am more the emotionally broody kind that often don't speak about how I feel, but tend to write about my inner most feelings.

You see, I grew up in a traditional home, where men were men and we had our roles very firmly defined. We had a uniformed way in which we processed all things that affected us and mostly we looked to our father as the navigator of our emotions.

Suffice to say that from an early stage crying was seen as a sign of weakness. Not because my dear father said so, but simply because we got on with life and we did what we had to, to move forward.

I find that I am lot like my parents as I grow older...for the better these days. The last few weeks have been very difficult. It has been emotionally draining. But it has also forced me to really sit still and do some deep introspection.

I am selling the family house, which I bought from my father a few years back and closing this cycle of my life. My folks are moving to a retirement home and they seem happy and excited at the prospect of being with folks their age from complete different backgrounds.

Packing up your family home is like holding memories in your hands and deciding which you would hold on to and which you will discards. Some are happy memories, others just tear open wounds best left in the past.

Be that as it may. There is something liberating about embarking on this journey and completing it. We so often run from our memories and we store them in places in our head and we carry them with us and have no control over them. Sometimes they pop up and become a destructive force we cannot speak to. But when we clean up house, when we hold memories and pack them away in boxes and look at them and speak with them. We begin to understand why. The questions we have are only answered by those memories we hold in our hands.

I am reminded of the tangibility of memories. My family home has been the centre of my universe. It was a place where I not only lived. It formed me the man I am today, far more than other experiences. In this place we lost a brother, a father, a son. We celebrated our family heritage year after year and we cemented and we had what so many other sought. But we also became contemptuous of each other and we disagreed, disappointed and at times loathed each other. But we always came back to one another.

As I sit in the lounge and we are packing the last of the ceramic dogs and taking down curtains and looking at each other with joy and sadness, I wonder if what feels at times like displacement will bring us closer together?

I look through the lounge window, Che is playing outside with Cody. They got rugby on their mind and Che seem oblivious at the impending movement.

I wish sometime I still processed like a child. But it is his time now, soon he will see the world through our eyes. But I am at peace...I have no choice. This cycle of my life has brought to where I am suppose to be.

Peace & Love

GAH the Truthseeker

THE TRUTH ABOUT CATS & DOGS

There was a reason why I called this gig truthseeker. And I have to remind myself because bullshit comes so easily to me. I had an amazing visit with an old friend today.
There is a lot to be said for two people who have not seen each other for a long time and they can just cut through the bs and be real. Looking back at the path we followed today was most certainly a highlight. While our past was straight out of a Tarantino film, the soft subtle rain and the comfort of cheap coffee with ceramic dogs keeping a watchful eye over us was most refreshing.

After my friend left my heart smiled. It was real. Our interaction was just that. No expectations, no lies foretold. See, we know each other's most intimate secrets. Well some of them at least. We know who and what we are.

But I am rambling on. The point is that during our conversation we touched on a very sensitive topic. That is the issue of friends and acquaintances.

We meet many people during the course of our lives and we make many friends. We allow people into our spaces. Some bring value and occupy that space for a long period of time, while other come in and for a fleeting moment they take all they can and simply bounce.

Many of us who are highly socialised beings find that we attract people and we have many friends. We spend many a weekend in the presence of this group of people and at times even rotate them to make time to be with them all. There are also cycles to these friendships, depending on mood, economics, illicit substances, sexual preference, fashion etc...We personify the (IT)...everybody wants a piece of us and we play the game. The interaction is based on little more than nothing really. There is no real substance to these "friendships"other than social acceptability.

So you create this false world, with these false friends and discover at the end of it all after you and them have used one another all up, that there is no real friendship. And that these people are in fact nothing more than acquaintances. Hard perhaps but it is true.

I also find that when you move beyond your 30's and you start stripping yourself from the BS your real friends emerge. You attach value to different things other than your LV man purse or Gucci panties. And where you gonna have sushi and what avant garde show you are gonna see.

It is more about the honesty in each other that we seek. That is the comfort I find. I don't know about you...

Peace & Love
GAH - The truthseeker